actually on this topic
manpain is a META concept that exists to discuss FICTIONAL SEXISM. in real life, if you laughed about “someone’s manpain”, you would be a disgusting piece of shit for a human being no matter what your gender was. if you were laughing that someone’s life was destroyed by the death of their mom or their fiancee you would be a fucking shitheel not worth my time, and i would not watch a fucking tv series about you.
Oh god yes. Are there people who don’t realize this?
The significant difference between fiction and real life is that in real life things just happen, whereas in fiction things only happen because of choices made by the writer/s.
When fancritics talk about manpain, we’re not mocking Bruce Wayne or Dean Winchester for their suffering; we’re mocking the writers for thinking that hurting them is the best way to tell the story, and that killing (usually female) characters they love is the best way to hurt them.
And perhaps more importantly: Killing off female characters is a good way to “hurt” them that won’t actually hurt them or slow them down, it’ll just make them mad.
"Manpain" is not the same thing as "pain felt by men".
I’m an atheist.
No … no no, please come back. Stay with me to the end. I have a point here, I promise.
Being an atheist wasn’t exactly a choice I made; it was more like a realization I came to, eventually. I realized I didn’t believe, and despite exploration and thought on the matter, couldn’t believe. So I accepted it as part of who I am. I understood it wasn’t a majority view, and while it could make me sad and angry (and sometimes still does), I accept I live in a world with creeds other than my own. I try to find my place in all that.
Unfortunately, there are so very, very, very, VERY many asshole atheist online. So many. Turtles all the way down, you might say. They engage in bad behavior. They pick fights. They’ve contributed to the death of the trilby and the vilification of the fedora. They insult people of faith, women, other ethnicities, you name it. They’re about a goosestep away from proclaiming themselves the master race, and it drives me nuts.
They don’t represent me or my beliefs, but they claim membership in my “tribe,” as it were. They make me look bad. I have to apologize a lot. Any step toward acceptance atheists have in society gets pushed backward every time they open their mouths. And there’s not a damned thing I can do about it, except own up to it, be embarrassed, and try to be a better example.
I don’t deny that they’re atheists. I don’t tell people that’s not how “real” atheists would behave, because every group has huge chunks that make them all look like mouth-breathing savages. I don’t try to disassociate myself to make myself feel better, because that would be denying that yes … this is a problem in my sub-sect of humanity. This is my house, and like it or not, the kids have covered the walls with poop. Calling it “wallpaper” doesn’t make it stink any less.
So … I have to own it. I’m very, truly sorry for the bad behavior. I would like to express there’s more to atheists than what you’ve been lead to believe, but I truly understand if your experiences with us have left you with a bad opinion that you can’t shake. All I can do is be responsible for myself, and try to be better. I’m sorry that’s the limit of my ability, and I sincerely hope it helps.
Now, here’s my point: when your group has bad actors, own it. Don’t deny it, don’t try to sub-group the sub-group. The People’s Judean Front is still the People’s Front of Judea, kids. Don’t defend them. Don’t ignore them. Don’t pretend like they don’t exist, or deflect the criticism, because I’ll tell you: no matter how righteous the cause or truly wronged the party, you have assholes. Worse, you have assholes that have every right to your label, who speak from that label, and use that label to justify some horrific bullshit.
This is not pointed at one of you. This is pointed at aaaaallll of you. If you keep pretending that asshole in your clan isn’t REALLY in your clan, not only are you excusing their actions but you’re hurting your cause just as much. You’re permitting it, because at the end of the day it’s embarrassing, and frustrating, and the best solution to make yourself feel better is to create a new category that is perfect, pure, and asshole-free.
My friend, there ain’t no such thing.
Step up. Beyond acknowledging the bad behavior, acknowledge it’s happening in your house. When someone shits on your rug, you don’t pretend like it never happened. You clean it up.
We each, ALL OF US, have housecleaning to do. The next time you see someone in your group being an asshole, speak up. You might get called a traitor in so many words. I have. But I’d rather speak and make clear what I’m about than pretend like it’s okay.
It ain’t okay.
I absolutely endorse this. I mean, different specific groups, but yeah, this. This is why I refuse to play the “oh, real Christians would be nice…” game. No, “real” Christians is a category including some really badly-behaved people. And despite the fact that I’ve encountered you on tumblr, which is I suppose technically part of the Internet, I wish to point out a thing which I think is cause for hope.
A brief digression: We have cats. My cat is about seven and is Very Mature and has figured out that laser pointers are just us playing around. Our other cats have not figured this out. Molly will periodically see another cat playing with the red bug, and get up, and walk over, and smack the other cat in the head for being stupid.
The relevance of this is that I’ve found that if I tell people that, and then observe that my cat is an Internet Atheist, they instantly know what I mean. And here’s the important part: Nearly everyone understands that this is not representative of atheism as a general category.
Similarly, I only very rarely encounter people who think that I probably support Westboro Baptist because I’m Christian, or hate all men because I’m a feminist.
So, hang in there. There is hope. People can understand that group membership is not always a thing you get to withhold just because you dislike someone.
re-reblogging this because of cat story